My journey began with Baptism

My years of loss and feeling lost

1. Searching

I was very involved in the occult in my late teens and early 20s. I had my astrological chart cast every year and followed my transits closely. I used numerology to evaluate people and job offers. I relied on the i-ching to make decisions about what I should do. I was obsessed, afraid to make a move without some entity giving me permission. I began to feel uneasy about this. I let go of astrology first, followed by numerology. The i-ching was the last to go. I had no idea why it suddenly felt so important to end my reliance on them, but I listened to the prompting and stopped using them.

2. Warned

I still get goosebumps when I remember this one. I grew up in a family impacted by alcoholism (my mom’s) and it plays an important role in this story.

In my mid-30s I experienced symptoms of PMS with each monthly cycle. I asked my doctor if there was anything that could be done to reduce the symptoms. His solution was to write me a prescription for tranquilizers. When it came to filling it, however, I had a strong sense I should not do this. I listened. A few weeks later I threw the prescription away and didn’t think about again for years.

Fast-forward 10 years. My mom had died. As I struggled with grief, I reached out to a cousin to talk. Her mom had been an alcoholic, too, so I knew she’d understand all of the conflicting emotions I was feeling. She loaned me a book that had helped her: “Another Chance” by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse. The book describes what happens in families impacted by alcoholism. I felt like Helen Keller at the pump with Annie Sullivan, when she spelled w-a-t-e-r into Helen’s hand and gave her the key to communicate with her family.

The book described distinct roles family members assume: the enabler, the hero, the scapegoat, the lost child and the mascot. As I read the chapters, I saw myself and my siblings. Our names could have been written on the chapters so accurately were our lives and struggles described. As I read these words in the description of my role I was stunned: prone to workaholism, migraine headaches and DEPENDENCY ON TRANQUILIZERS! I remembered the prescription I’d had in my hand—and the warning not to fill it. What if I hadn’t heeded it? How different might my life have been? I was deeply grateful even though I didn’t know where the warning came from.

3. God Comes Knocking

A couple of years later, God used a mundane situation on an ordinary day to intercede in my life in a way that let me know I was hearing from Him.

I was reading a world history book during my lunch hour at work, required for a course I was taking. The chapter was about Martin Luther and the Protestant Reformation. Luther believed that all people should read the Bible. The scriptures were for everyone, not only priests. I knew instantly I believed this! This belief was not embraced by the Catholic church which is the only faith instruction I had as a child. Because I was directed to own and read the Bible, I knew God was calling me to do this.

When I got home from work that night, I told my husband, Tom, “Guess what! I am a protestant, just like you!” We said a prayer of thanks to God. I bought my first Bible and began to read it. Several years pass before He knocked again.

4. 9/11

It was a few days after the attack on 9/11. Tom and I attended a prayer vigil in a nearby park. As we stood holding hands with strangers, praying, crying and sharing the deep grief we all felt, God brought this to my mind—either I receive Jesus as my Savior or I don’t. “Yes” or “no” are the only two options. There is no middle ground. I could not say “yes” to Jesus with one part of my life, but “no” to Him regarding another part. I said “yes” to Jesus.

5. Head On

Less than two months later, just before Thanksgiving, Tom was assigned to work at a branch location of his company. As he drove to the location, he crossed a bridge over a culvert and hit ice, losing control of our truck. He found himself on the wrong side of the road, in the path of an oncoming car. He thought his life was over. Just before impact, the tires found pavement and he was able to pull hard to the right. He drove off the road into an enormous Ponderosa pine. It’s long branches stopped the truck before it hit the trunk. The truck was totaled but Tom wasn’t injured. We thanked God, grateful beyond measure that he was okay! We talked about finding a church home.

6. I See

Another two months pass. I am at an appointment to get a new prescription for glasses. The doctor is testing my peripheral vision. I could not see how many fingers he was holding up. Concerned, he scheduled me for a field of vision test the next day. This confirmed the blind spots and he referred me to an eye specialist. I had to wait more than a week for this appointment to find out if the problem was in my eyes or in my brain. I worried I could lose my sight, or even my life if the problem was in my brain. I was scared. Every day, on my knees, I prayed to God. The specialist scheduled an MRI. This meant more waiting. As I continued to pray to God, it struck me that I should be honoring Him by going to His house on Sundays. This is what finally brought us to find our first church home.

As I write these words, more than 20 years have passed since Tom and I found our first church home. Our lives have been forever transformed, blessed beyond measure by God’s persistence in calling us home to Him.